How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
