The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
