You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He passed out mid-signature
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
