finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
