Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
