Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want her autograph on my taint
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
