Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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