i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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