At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
