I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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