Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
