he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the day after is always just damage control
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
