I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
