How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
