good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
