Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
