I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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