North Korea, Best Korea!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
