Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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