Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
