Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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