He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
