I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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