I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
