I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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