I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
