She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
