I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
