the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
where are my eyebrows?
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