PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
