I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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