4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
