Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
