it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
