mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
