i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
