Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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