drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
