ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
