I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
zippers are such a cool invention
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
