I wish I could teleport
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
