did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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