Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
BRING THE BAGELS
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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