I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
