So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
