i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
