i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
