I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
