I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
