My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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