I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
