Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
