In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
