I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
