Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
