Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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